Freak me out

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I was almost the Biggest Loser!

Since I have been the world's worst blogger and not updating (I hate when there aren't any new blog updates on my dashboard, but I am not doing my part for other people!) I almost forgot to tell you that before this whole pregnancy fiasco I got 2nd place in my work's biggest loser! My final weigh in was 159.0 so I had lost 14.2 lbs! That was on May 10. I was already preggo too! I haven't weighed myself in for the last few weeks, but I am hitting the ground running when I get off work today! My newest goal is 130 lbs by the next pregnancy! Wish me luck!

Let me also give a shout out to Mrs. Kelli Moss for completing her 5k last weekend! I was there! I witnessed it! Way to go Kel! Love ya! I will try to remember to post some pictures from our race this week! We raised over $3000 for our youth!

What now?

I have gone back and re-read my last post several times. It makes me sad. When you are a little girl you dream of finding your perfect husband, having a big beautiful wedding, honeymooning in paradise, then eventually making sweet little children. No where in this dream world are there miscarriages or pain. John and I have been been together 10 years this month. Wow! That is a freaking long time! We were laying in bed talking last night and we were thinking back on some of the things we have been through. We have held each other through some very dark times.

John's mom moved out the week before we started dating. I have watched such joy come from that situation. His parents are both happy and his mom married a guy that is the best step-dad to John. He introduces John as his son to people. Mike is very proud of John and that makes me smile.

My mom moved out of my dad's house 6 months after we got married. We struggled through 2 years of separation and turmoil in our family. There were tears and pain, but then they bought a new house together last summer and have now been back together almost an entire year.

By fair the darkest place we have been in our marriage has been this past year. I am so blessed that through every tear John has been there. Many times he was the only reason I was standing, simply because he was holding me up. He has undoubtedly been my rock. When I told him last night I was thinking about giving up and maybe just look into other routes to have children he told me no. He has refused to let me give up! It is our dream to have at least one biological child. I know many people will say there are lots of children that need good homes. I couldn't agree more! I cannot wait to have many of these children become my children eventually. However, I yearn to look into the eyes of my child knowing that he/she is a part of me. I cannot wait to laugh at how goofy our child is just like their daddy. John will be a fantastic dad! I am merely cool by association to all of the kiddos in our life. When I go visit my sister my nephew always asks me if John is in the car!

So what's next? I got the burden today of calling and cancelling all of my OB appointments that had been scheduled for the next few months. That was hard. The poor lady on the other end kept asking me when I wanted to rescheduled and I finally had to tell her that I would not be rescheduling because I was no longer pregnant. I hate having to tell people. They just feel so miserable and I feel miserable for them!

Our next plan of action is to schedule an appointment with our high risk doctor. I have seen her once before, but now she will be our permanent doctor. I am happy about that, because she is amazing! We will go to her in September and begin the testing process all over again. In the last round of testing I gave over 50 vials of blood within a week. So that really doesn't bother me anymore. Hopefully we will be able to try again within 3-6 months. Let me be the first to tell you, I am already nervous for the next pregnancy! I really don't mind other people sticking me with needles, but I have a feeling that daily shots of hormones are in my future. John informed me last night that if he has to give me the shots everyday, then he is going to sneak attack them. He is looking forward to poking me with needles when I least expect it. Did I mention he is one sick individual?!?

We have also decided to go ahead and finish decorating our nursery. That may sound strange to you, but eventually there will be a baby in that crib believe you me! I have had my nursery decorations picked out since the first pregnancy and by George I am going to move on with my plans! At least I won't have to rely on John to paint when I am pregnant! We all know how my bathroom turned out!

Well... I just realized that I wrote a novel.... so if you are still reading I'm sorry! It is just nice to get your thoughts out on I mean on the computer. So again... thanks for listening.... if you are still listening.... OK bye!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Where have I been?

****Warning***** May contain too much information!!!!

Well. Quite an interesting month has come and gone for the Haslers. Let's see. Where do I start?

We found out on May 18th that I was pregnant! Yipee! We were excited yet very cautious! Things we were going wonderfully. On June 3 I had been having a slight pain in my lower right side, so I went to the doctor just to be safe. I got to see a beautiful baby heartbeat! We cried such happy tears! We have had two previous miscarriages both of which we were told were blighted ovums meaning the baby probably never developed far enough to have a heartbeat. This time we had a heartbeat! We were thrilled! The doctor was thrilled as well. He said that I had ovarian cysts causing me the pain. This was no big deal I had had them many times before and would probably go away on their own in the next few weeks. They did however notice some slight bleeding between my uterus and placenta. Bad news. But we were optimistic that bedrest would take care of everything! So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were spent on complete bedrest! Friday was fun, but by Monday I was borrreeeddd! We went back to the doctor on Monday and got to see the beautiful baby again! Again we were elated! The doctor sent us home and said to take it easy, but things looked great. We weren't scheduled to come back until the 22nd! Then all hell broke loose.

Monday night I was sitting on the couch and smelled blood. (I had not bled a single drop the entire pregnancy which was also giving the doctors hope!) I went to the bathroom and thought whew! False alarm. There was nothing indicating any issues. Then suddenly I had a complete miscarriage. I was crushed but I knew right away what had happened. John and I went to the ER but really there was nothing they could do for us obviously. So they doped me with meds and sent me home. Life sucked again! We are now in the 3 miscarriages club! Never a club I thought I would have to join, but let me tell you it is a sucky club to be a member of!

We are doing really well. Considering I had a D&C with both of my last and this time I didn't have to have surgury I was thankful. The morning after the miscarriage I went in for another ultrasound and my only prayer was that it would all be over and no surgury or painful meds needed. My prayer was answered. The doctor was almost shocked at how quickly my body had recovered. My uterus was already pre-pregnancy size! I guess in all the bad that was at least one good.

Emotionally I am doing great. I didn't fall apart this time. I am not sure that is a good thing though. I think we are getting to the point that pregnacies don't really excited us too much and miscarriages are getting easy to deal with.

Thursday was my birthday and so we spent the whole day together shopping and eating away our sadness. Then we felt better, but our pocket books were much much lighter!!!

Please don't feel sorry for us. That makes it harder. We are very tough people and can pretty much handle anything that gets hurled at us. Our only prayer right now is that God would give the doctors the knowledge of what happened and how we can move on from here. We aren't ruling out another pregnancy yet, but adoption is looking better and better in my eyes. Physcially I just don't know how much more I can take.

Sorry to be a downer, but just needed to let you guys know what was going on!